Relationships 101: Lozano talks love

Posted Feb. 23, 2007
Leah Heagy
Discussing relationships Vondie Lozano, a
marriage and family therapist, gave tips to students, parents and faculty on finding and keeping a mate. The event was held in the President’s Dining Room Feb. 14 and 15. Lozano teaches part-time in the department of psychology.

Relationships are not always easy, and many people want to know the secrets to finding and keeping a good one.

Vondie Lozano, a marriage and family therapist, spoke to about 40 University of La Verne students and community members in the President’s Dining Room on Feb. 15 on various topics surrounding relationships.

“To find and keep a good relationship, the most important thing is to know and like yourself,” Lozano said.

“You won’t keep people who don’t treat you well,” she added.

Lozano teaches the counseling program at the University and works with young women looking for good and healthy relationships.

Her talk was more of a discussion because Lozano wanted to hear about the attendees’ personal experiences field their questions.

Lozano raised variety of issues for discussion such as “ red flags,” which consist of lying, abuse, infidelity and alcohol or substance abuse in a relationship.

Other areas she covered included good first date topics, intimacy and passion, putting your partner first and developing a relationship gradually.

Some students had strong opinions about how one should be in a relationship.

“Don’t let jealousy get in the way of your relationship and keep your independence,” Claire Bodenhoefer, a liberal studies major said.

Lozano touched on subjects that relate to women on a more personal level. These topics included how women think and feel when they have feelings for someone and how all women want a quality person.

She also described how women get attached especially during physical intimacy.

She cautioned her audience to be careful because “where the body goes, the heart follows.”

“Love is supposed to feel good most of the time,” Lozano said. “If it hurts most of the time, that’s not love.”

Lozano said that communication is the key to a good relationship because hinting and speaking in code does not get the meaning across.

“A successful relationship is when both people know and like who they are and they know and like their partner and they have things in common, treat each other with love and respect, and want the same things out of life,” Lozano said. “Even if they don’t want the exact same things, they can support each other in what the other person wants.”

Valentine’s Day recently passed and there were many people who wondered if they would have a valentine.

It is considered the traditional day in which lovers express their feelings for each other. This day has become an almost too important day overshadowing the true meaning of love for couples and those who are in relationships.

“My thoughts have changed about Valentine’s Day,” Bodenhoefer said.
“Now I think it’s more meaningful to buy things for your significant other when it’s not Valentine’s Day,” she added.

There is a great emphasis for lovers on this day, which often puts a lot of pressure on relationships.

“I think people put too much importance on the day,” said Britney Conner, a first year graduate student in the marriage and family therapy program.” If you love somebody you should show it all year.”

Lozano said that there is a lot of pressure to be romantic and that it is mostly the pressure we put on ourselves.

The audience seemed to leave with a positive outlook on relationships after their lesson in love and relationships. All that’s left is to put the advice to the test.

Vanessa Avilez can be reached at vavilez@ulv.edu.

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