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Global warming efforts gone mad
Posted April 13, 2007

Tom Anderson
Editor in Chief

When it comes to assigning blame for global warming, air pollution and all the rest of the planet’s ills, California lawmakers (and the lemmings that continue to support them) have no qualms about sabotaging the rights of individuals or the economy.

Tom is full of it, you say?

Well, try this on for size: At last Saturday’s Cool Cruise here in Old Town La Verne, my dad and I bumped into a friend of his who owns an auto repair shop near Dad’s machine shop. Being in the auto repair biz, including being certified for emissions testing, this friend has access to the particulars of proposed and pending air quality regulations before the overwhelming majority of us are aware of it.

And on Saturday he clued us in to a couple of whoppers.

The first and most appalling (to me, anyway) was that, apparently, the Air Resource Board is in the process of amending the current emissions testing regulations to eliminate the exemptions for cars and trucks from 1974 and earlier, as well as the exemption for diesel cars and trucks of all ages.

The result, folks, is that I and the rest of the microscopically-small minority of Californians who enjoy old cars will no longer be able to do as we please with them, since the Man has suddenly decided that each and every old car has to run as cleanly as a new one.

Of course, in the likely event that after you pour tens of thousands of dollars into that classic that was bought new by your grandparents and is a family heirloom still doesn’t pass the test, $acramento (Sorry, my finger slipped.) will give you $1,000 to send it to the crusher.

That’s right, folks, throw away a perfectly good automobile and piece of history that is only driven, at most, once a week and your government will provide you with enough clams to buy a really nice bike or, if you’re lucky, a down payment on a used Prius (sans carpool stickers, natch).

And of course, the state gets its morbidly obese share through the sales tax and license and registration fees, only to blow it on god-knows-what.

Perfectly fair, right? No? Gee, you don’t say…

And what if my old diesel Benz can’t be modified to pass? Will I have to send it to that big Autobahn in the sky and accept a check to put toward a Segway?

I can sum up my approach to that scenario in three words: Fat f***ing chance.

At the risk of using a meme that’s way past its sell-by date, you’d literally have to pry the steering wheel out of my cold, dead hands.

But here’s the second tidbit we got: Apparently the state is getting quite aggressive on the matter of shuttering dairies, particularly those here in the southern part of the state, on account of all that bovine flatulence.

Does this farm-bouncing binge involve tactics gleaned from the Don Corleone School of Public Management (i.e. extortion, physical violence, etc.)?

Probably not, but I certainly won’t be surprised if and when the Clean Air Gestapo eventually resorts to such methods of persuasion.

Now I know that pretty much all the evidence points to humans causing global warming, and I agree that some drastic steps need to be taken to halt or at least slow the process.

But when you start acting like the kind of leaders Orwell and Bradbury wrote about, then there’s a problem.

You might win this round, but odds are the day you government types issue a decree that we all have to stitch our mouths, nostrils and buttcracks shut to stop global warming (lord knows you’re gonna try it) will be the day Sacramenthoe’s (Uh, Freudian slip?) era of hypocrisy, greed and outright lunacy will be ended in abrupt and messy fashion.

Or we’ll all just pack up our tax dollars and leave. Your choice.

Tom Anderson, a senior journalism major, is editor in chief of the Campus Times. He can be reached by e-mail at tanderson1@ulv.edu.